“The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.”

I’m just going to put it out there….

I am NOT okay. For many reasons.

I have been quarantined in my apartment with my two boys, (aged 4 and 2) for over a week.

…and I absolutely love it. Spending time with them has been so much fun.

What sucks is the “quarantine” part. I can’t go do anything with them. We’ve snuck out and got fresh air for a couple days. But for the most part it’s been the same Scooby Doo movie, and Blippi. ( I suggest not looking Blippi up, it’s a slippery slope) XD.

In my small town, there haven’t been many cases of this “coronavirus” until about a week ago. We’ve been inside since March 24th. Our state governor won’t issue a stay-at-home order, so my job is still up and running. Luckily It can stay running during all this. Unfortunately, I had to take a precautionary lay-off.

But I do know a lot of people were let go from their jobs or put on a leave. I know people are suffering.

There is no toilet paper, cleaning supplies, hand soap, diapers….( it’s gonna bite me here soon.)

But I also filed for unemployment, as many of you I’m sure also have..

and you wouldn’t believe the amount I qualified for to live on!

Absolutely ridiculous.

I’m not going to say the number, but let’s just say I’m probably going to be a pro by the end of the month.

…just kidding. I am very fortunate to not have very many bills, it’ll just take some fanagaling. Truly following all my pinterest pins i’ve saved for “frugal living”.

Because we all know people who pin those and never really completely go by them. Just something to “oh I’m going to def do that”.

Ya okay, we never thought we’d be in this situation where you’d actually have to read what the heck they do that is soo successful.

But here I am, pinning away at brilliant ideas to “trim some fat”.

Anyways, as the days go by waiting out this novel strain, it’s giving me a lot of time to think about things.

…my life, where it’s going.

I have no idea. I feel like I’m in survival mode, now it’s potentially literally survival mode. But survival mode nonetheless.

You like to think your life has direction. Feeling lost is an understatement because I am living day by day.

That’s normally not how I operate. I like to budget my life, my time…know the path I walk on and know where it’ll end up.

Not right now. If it wasn’t for this quarantine, all I could tell you is tomorrow morning I’d wake up, go to work, pick up the boys and go home.

That’s the way my life has been for the last 5 years, and I wouldn’t change a thing.

What I didn’t expect is that I’d be a single mom, raising my boys alone.

My whole life changed 4 months ago, came crashing down.

My youngest sons father up and left.

Barely a goodbye. and has maintained his absence. I am coming to terms with it. I am coping with the loss of my best friend. But I am not going to say it’s been easy for the three of us. I’ve had to treat this like a mourning with them, because they’re old enough now to ask questions. That I can’t answer.

I am literally doing what I can, with what I have, and hopefully I don’t lose my mind. I hope to once again feel the ground I walk on.

But as time goes on, so do I. My kids are growing like weeds, discovering their personalities. It is a wonderful thing to witness. Teaching them things, watching them grow, talk back lol. It is a wonderful thing I could never imagine giving up.

I hope you all are staying safe during this weird, dark time for our health. I am thankful for Netflix and Chicken Nuggets.

Stay happy. Stay light.